Little spasms

Since I’m up feeling like a giant fisted my stomach into a molcajete, why not document the dream I had before I woke.

What I remember:

Dreamt I was in Santa Clarita or Irvine. Note for symbolism: I usually meet my loving boyfriend in Santa Clarita and we first ever met up in Irvine. Instead of my boyfriend, I dream of my co-worker, a Tibetan Buddhist man I greatly respect. He’s maybe shy 2 decades my senior. He’s quite tall/lanky and I’m short so I felt very safe and secure. He was loving and passionate with me. Kissed me all over and wrapped himself around me. He whispered loving things, like my boyfriend would in real life. Told me how beautiful life with me is going to be and how he was so glad we were moving to this place (Santa Clarita/Irvine). It turned me on in the dream to know we were getting each other so riled up but I don’t consciously think of him this way at all. He’s admirably reliable and peaceful in the storm of the work environment we navigate daily. He’s also wise and knowledgeable. I had a minor crush on him when we started working but it quickly became absorbed into the reality of just really having a high respect for someone as awesome as he is.

Anyhow - the dream. Somehow in our making out (nearly as passionate as lovemaking), we rolled around together at a gas station on the ground. Not sure what that means (thanks brain). He took me back to our car, which was a little, red convertible (definitely not EITHER of our styles in real life). Oddly, we’d been squeezed in a bit by 2 cars on either side that didn’t know how to park. He opened my passenger side for me, then went to enter the driver’s side for himself. When he got in, somehow the car shifted from being low to the ground to as high as a monster truck (as though the floor in just that parking spot elevated). My co-worker (dream lover) leans across the passenger seat and offers his hand to help me up. I take his hand, and climb into the car. I laugh and there are kids running around our car playing, some blatantly obvious and peering into our vehicle, giggling.

Somehow, the car becomes very much like a LARGE bathtub in structure where I scoot to the back of the “tub” and stretch my legs straight out in front of me. He smiles lovingly at me and sits facing me, mirror like. I make some fat joke at my own expense and his face contorts into the most pained expression - all his joy from our love and laughter suddenly completely drained away. He gets upset. Like my boyfriend would, he asks me with exasperation, “Why sweetie? Why my darling? You’re beautiful. Beautiful. Why do you say these kinds of things?” He looks like he’s going to cry. I rush forward to hug him and as I do, his lanky tall body feels more fleshy and womanly like mine. I realize he’s kind of become myself in body and and I’m hugging him to comfort him/myself from the damage I’ve done (so casually, too).

After we pull away, he’s back to tall/lanky co-worker acting as my boyfriend for some reason. He pulls out of the parking spot and gas station and we start to head somewhere. Soon, we’re on a freeway entrance and the traffic is slowmoving only on our side. We become so slow that the car disappears around us and we’re both walking faster than the gridlocked cars. The entire left lanes of the free way are empty and we make our way to that side but only after walking through deep puddles from a recent rain. We held hands and walked in the fast lane knowing we had a long way to go.